When making a resolution after the most indulgent and stressful season of the year, people want to flip the switch from over-indulgent to restrained or from imperfect to perfect. Many people fail at their goals because their focus is on the goal and not on the realistic process of achieving the goal.

A New Year’s resolution means committing to a change and then navigating the transition process to realize that change.  The change (or goal) is what you want to achieve; the transition is your individual journey towards achieving it.

The key to success in any resolution is being committed and well prepared.  Here are a few tips for you to consider when planning your New Year’s Resolution:

    i) Identify what you would like to change and achieve – pick one (maybe two) goals.

   ii) State the goal in a ‘whole life world view’ rather than in absolute terms. For example: commit to a healthier lifestyle not to losing 25 pounds; to living in smoke-free environment not to stop smoking immediately; to financial wellness not to refraining from all leisure spending, to an engaged parenting style not to be a less-stressed parent.

 iii) Be informed about the goal that you would like to achieve.  Why do you want to achieve it? What difference would it make in your life? in the life of those you love?

  iv) Craft a process (a plan) toward realizing your New Year’s Resolution. What are the realistic steps to get there? Know that setbacks will happen. Setbacks are part of learning and changing.

   v) Act as if you have realized your resolution.  As Gandhi said “Be the change that you would like to see in the world”.

  vi) Let people – family and close friends – know about your resolution.  Having support is a great motivator.  Friends and family can be your best cheerleaders.

 vii) Review your process weekly with a mindset of Reflection, Correction & Action.  What worked, what did not work and why? What will you do the same or differently in the coming week?

By identifying your goal and committing to navigating completely your transition process, you are well on the way of allowing your resolution to become a part of who you are.

Enjoy the journey.

Photo courtesy:  Penny Higgens

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Yes, take time to care that we are into a new season. The answer to getting out of negative emotions or to get ‘unstuck’ is to spring into action. Even better, go play something. Join something. Play outdoors. Play with the kids in your life. The choice is yours: volleyball, tennis, softball, soccer, ultimate frisby, lawn bowling, golf, flag football, paddleboarding ….Pick something and do it. Go ahead!

The answer to a ‘situational’ depression is action. If you are depressed, overwhelmed or feeling stuck in life or in your career then take a little break. Get out of your head – get away from your negative or self-defeating thoughts and go do something, something active – have some fun. In so doing, you will focus on the activity and then return to the serious issues in your life feeling rejuvenated. This rejuvenation will lead you to have a more creative mindset to problem solve more effectively.

It is true I am the type of therapist that gives my clients practical homework after each session. I believe in action, in moving clients forward in some aspect of their life. Key issues will not resolve overnight, however if other aspects of your life improve then it will be easier for the difficult issues to eventually resolve.

The job, the relationship, the debt, the conflict, the anxiety will usually resolve through a manner of process. However, activating your life in the area of leisure will allow you to experience fun and rejuvenation and will indirectly help you resolve the bigger stressors.

Your attitude will become more positive and you will feel optimistic. As you carve out time to play, you return to troubling matters with new insight.

“Live a happy life – learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.” – Robert Fulghum, Philosopher.

Photo courtesy: USAG – Humphreys

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I came across this poem today and was struck by its beauty, simplicity and the sage advice it carried in four short lines. It was written well over 100 years ago by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Let me explain the poem line by line. It states that no matter where we are in life, we are to get up and get active every morning. We are to be ready for whatever challenges that life presents us with on that particular day. That is to say, we are to be ready to handle the successes as well as the failures and setbacks. It goes on to say that we must believe in ourselves and we must believe in our plan for life. Yes, we must have a plan. We must keep the goals that we want to achieve at the forefront of our mind. We must stay focused, patient and believe that we will reach our goals. Simply put, Wadsworth’s poem is saying that we must struggle and strive before we succeed.

Many of my clients are going through various life transitions i.e. change of career, relationship breakdown, mid-life crisis etc. To navigate these life transitions means to stay focused and structured. It also requires acknowledging and managing one’s emotions. For each one of these clients, it means that they have to hold on to the positive beliefs that they have about themselves as they list the necessary goals to activley pursue so that they can achieve the life and or career that they want. Yes, you do have to struggle so that you can emerge to your full potential.

The last line states “ Learn to labor and to wait”. It means : Work hard, be patient, trust your vision, pursue the steps that will lead to your goals and vision. Success will come eventually. Believe in your process.

To your success everyone.You can be even more successful with us. Contact us to know more about how.

Photo courtesy: Official GDC

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The good news is  you can take control and minimize your holiday stress with these 6 tips:

Set the Stage – consider your entire schedule over the next 3- 5 weeks. Use a ‘whole month’ calendar.  Fill in your work hours, shopping hours, ‘must attend’ events and self-care breaks.  Be realistic, do not go to everything. Prioritize ‘Is this important to me, my partner and/or family?’ Note: your children’s concerts are a ‘must attend’; Christmas family dinner is a ‘must attend’; driving an hour to visit Aunt Mary & Uncle Joe one week before Christmas may not be.  Call and say you will visit in January when life isn’t so hectic. Your aunt & uncle will appreciate the call and look forward to your relaxed visit in the New Year.

Pay Yourself First with the gift of time. Carve out at least 15 minutes a day just for you, a self-care break. Slow down and breathe: enjoy a coffee by yourself, listen to music, soak a little longer in the bath, meditate.  Figure it out, take 15 minutes to reset ‘you’ each day.

Reduce, Reduce, Reduce. Decide on a budget for holiday spending : gifts, food, decorations.  Stick to the budget.  Make a list, check it twice.  Plan your shopping – fit it into your schedule. Use cash. Did you know that we spend much more when using a credit card.

Do less rather than more. Plan to be more rather than do more. Remember we are ‘human beings’ not ‘human doings’.  Many people try to be superhuman during the holidays resulting in angry outbursts, hurt relationships, depressed moods.

Do random acts of kindness. They require no planning as they are activated ‘in the moment’. Hours after the first snow storm in Vancouver, I was walking to my office and passed an elderly woman who was walking ever so slowly down a hilly snowy sidewalk en route to the drugstore. I turned to her and said would you like to take my arm and walk down the hill together.   Her face lit up with the biggest smile, she grabbed my arm and in the 3 minutes that we were together, we chatted and laughed. Random acts of kindness give you an immediate boost of positive feelings.

Give the gift of time. As you look over your budget and shopping list, consider the gift of time.  Many years ago as a young mother, a wise person told me that Time is spelled L-O-V-E.  I have never forgotten that. Rather than looking through stores for the greatest gifts think about making a gift-certificate that says: “This entitles you to a toboggan (snowshoeing, skiing, skating) day with me” ; “This entitles you to one evening of babysitting” “This entitles you to an afternoon of baking with me”  “ This entitles you to a  Grande coffee and a good long chat with me”.

Take time to reflect and be grateful this holiday season. Reflect on the good that you have done, the changes that you would like to make and the people that you have in your life.

Photo courtesy: Ben Askins

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Let me introduce you to the ‘Butterfly Effect’. “The phrase refers to the idea that a butterfly’s wings might create tiny changes in the atmosphere that may ultimately alter the path of a tornado or delay, accelerate or even prevent the occurrence of a tornado in another location.

The notion being that a small change in one area of our life could have a domino effect and impact for the better changes in other areas of our lives.” ( Wikipedia / Edward Lorenz).

For instance, if you commit to becoming healthier and decide to go to the gym two mornings a week, then that one commitment will impact other areas of your life. Going to the gym could mean that you will begin to feel stronger, which usually makes one want to eat healthy. The gym commitment could help you set a better bedtime routine that could make you sleep soundly, wake earlier, feel more alert and work more productively.

As this happens then you will feel more confident, dress more stylishly, socialize more and thoroughly enjoy life as you smile more throughout your day. Even though you are in the process of achieving your longer term goal, the one small change has activated so many other positive changes that you have found your mojo while moving fully toward your desired goal.

Once we decide to make a change for the better (whether in the area of health, fitness, career, relationship etc.) then it is important to commit to the process of change by first identifying the initial small steps toward the desired goal.

So yes, this is the time to commit to positive changes in your life. We can never stop evolving. If your change seems too big, just know that activating the smallest step towards your greater change will have a domino effect. It is a system’s approach; one change in the system will activate other positive changes at almost the same time.

And you thought that a butterfly was just a pretty little thing. Enjoy your day.

 “They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself.”   – Andy Warhol

Photo courtesy:  Paul Horner

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She then got into the car herself, solved a disagreement between her sons, took a deep breath and backed out of the driveway only to realize that she left the travel mug on the roof of the car – Splat on the ground.

Like the others in the meeting room, I had a hearty laugh. The immediate benefits from the laugh – increased energy and positive feeling – stayed throughout the day. And, we had a very efficient meeting following the laughter.

A good laugh sends oxygen to the brain, shifts your mood to the positive and puts your whole life into perspective. Regular laughter also benefits your immune system and prevents heart disease – Who knew!

I have noticed in recent years how serious everyone is. Smiles that use to be frequent aren’t there anymore. People are looking at finding out what is wrong rather than notice what is right. Anger, anxiety, depression, stress have increased to unhealthy levels in most workplaces impeding productivity.

In my counselling and coaching sessions, I use humour to help clients relax and be more at ease. Laughter is a way to relieve tension. It can help a client shift his mindset and see the troubling issue in a new light – a resolvable light.Contact me and have a session .

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” Aristotle (400 BC)

Photo courtesy:  Simon Johansson

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If I had my life to life over…

If I had my life to live over again,
I’d dare to make more mistakes next time.
I’d relax.
I’d limber up.
I’d be sillier than I’ve been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances,
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would, perhaps, have more actual troubles but fewer imaginary ones.
you see, I’m one of those people who was sensible and sane,
hour after hour,
day after day.

If I had to live my life over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances,
I would ride more merry-go-rounds,
I would pick more daisies.

– Nadine Stair