Moving on isn’t easy. People may tell you to let go of your ex, but it’s difficult to just move on, get over it and get on with life. Accepting the need to move on is the first step. Admitting to yourself that the relationship is over, that you will find other people in time is a longer process. Yet, it all starts with accepting the fact that it’s not healthy to keep dwelling on and longing for the past. Moving on is a forward process. Here are a few tips from a registered Vancouver clinical counsellor for making a clean break and moving on.
Get Rid of Mementos
Some people can hold onto old relics of past relationships without getting clingy or emotional about it. Others can’t. If you really can’t bear to get rid of your ex-boyfriend’s old baseball cap or an old girlfriend’s jacket that they left behind, just tune in to a few episodes of “Hoarders” and see if that doesn’t push you to do a ‘spring’ clean. As the familiar maxim states: Unclutter your closets to unclutter your mind.
Spend Time with Friends
Spending time with friends and family, or anyone, instead of your ex, will make it a lot easier for you to move on. Loneliness is the biggest challenge to moving on. Therefore time with friends and family before trying to get back to dating is a good way to keep your mind and body healthy and focused on getting on with your own life.
Hobbies and Work
If you don’t have a job that you love, you probably have some passion or hobby that you had put off while in the relationship. Using this as both a distraction and as a channel for all your feelings and energy is a good way to keep yourself busy post-breakup. Keeping busy is key.
Do Not Make Contact
Right after a breakup, the idea of “remaining friends” is a myth. Maybe in the future (when you have both moved on) you can be friends, but right now the healthy thing to do is delete phone numbers, email addresses and social media pics. Do not engage in communication with your ex. Focus on your own life and new horizons rather than clinging to hopes of rekindling.
So take time to reconnect with your self doing activities that you enjoy. Take time to get to know how wonderful you are. Reconnect with friends and family. Be curious about what is going on for them. And, if you need to grieve or vent with a confidante limit the time to 5 – 10 minutes per time and then talk about something else.
And, if it continues to be difficult to engage in life seek the help of a registered Vancouver clinical counsellor.