I had several clients in my office over these past few days dealing with the pain of separation and divorce. Some were leaving their partners and others had been the ones left behind.
Whether you are the ‘dumper’ or the ‘dumpee’ – It hurts so much.
Even when the decision to leave a committed relationship has been well thought through, the journey is a painful one. And, for the ones who have been left behind, it can be devastating. Denial of the signs has been the coping mechanism of choice. Taking the time to navigate the divorce transition fully can be a life transforming experience.
Both parties in the separation/divorce process are usually at different emotional stages of readiness to move on….practically, emotionally and often financially.
There is no quick fix to separating or getting a divorce even if a new potential partner is sitting in the wings.
Simply put; divorce is pain. And, it highlights so many losses. The losses have to be identified and grieved prior to accepting the gains and opportunities.
Divorce is a major life transition and it is one that needs to be navigated thoroughly. I use a 7-step process with my clients and I let them know that it can take a minimum of 2 years to fully navigate the process even though they may have the divorce decree in their hands. Divorce support…
Most clients describe the early stages of the transition process as being in a state of ‘limbo’ or ‘no man’s land’. “It sucks!” is how one male client described it to me yesterday. There is no quick fix as the transition is all about process.
Separation can put you on an emotional roller-coaster. Seek help with a therapist, like a Registered Clinical Counsellor, who specializes in the divorce transition process. Much work can happen in the therapist’s office prior to or at the initial stages of seeking legal advice. Lawyers need facts not emotions. If you deal with your heavy emotions first (anger, depression, anxiety) then it is easier ( and cheaper) to clarify the facts.
A good option is collaborative divorce, and dealing with your emotions first… You will be better able to see the benefits of a collaborative divorce process.
If children are involved – they come first in all of this. It is paramount that their needs: love, safety, security come first in this transition process and beyond.
And, Yes, there is life after divorce.