Anger Management Counselling | Vancouver BC
Are you stressed? Feeling anxious? Let me help you.
Thanks to Charlie Sheen! Anger is no longer a dirty word nor is it a wrong emotion. In recent years, good old Charlie has made it acceptable for many people to seek help for their anger.
Prior to Charlie’s public drama, what we experienced in the counselling/therapy field were clients who would often communicate their presenting issue as ‘stress’ ‘anxiety’ ‘ being overwhelmed’ but rarely would they fess up to being angry. I would probe with “are you angry?” Clients would reply “well maybe a little frustrated”, and when given more information from clients, I might say “sounds like you are pretty angry” and often clients responses would be an acknowledgement of anger while expressing feelings of shame. Shame, because the clients have admitted to a loss of control – they have embarrassed themselves in front of family, friends, co-workers or the general public. Shame would be the fallout from their inability to understand and manage their anger.
The truth is: anger is energy and the angrier we get, the least rational we become. The way most people express their anger is rarely that healthy.
Look what Aristotle said in 300 BC:
“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is
Anger is a healthy emotion and it is a signal that something is not working in your life. Sometimes what is not working has not been working for years resulting in patterns of impatience, sarcasm and on-going stress. For example, road rage is not really about people cutting you off in traffic. And, your anger at a 4 year old for spilling his chocolate milk is not really about the spilt milk. The traffic and the 4 year old may just have triggered your pent up anger. In other words, they got in the way of your anger.
Anger management counselling is about having tips at your ready to defuse your anger before it is triggered. Yes, we all need these tips. However, what is more important is getting to the root cause of your anger. The tips and tools alone for anger management will wear out if you do not come to understand the root cause of your anger.
Understanding the root cause of your anger can allow you to step into your confidence and transform yourself into the person that you would like to be. So instead of road rage, you take a few deep breaths and move into the right hand lane while being calm, enjoying the music in your car as you have learned to allow yourself extra time to get to your destination. And, when the 4 year old spills his milk – you might be able to say “ OOPs big guy, let’s get that cleaned up and let’s sit down and stay put while we each have a fresh glass of chocolate milk.”
When I work with clients dealing with issues of anger, I will give them the tools that will work best for them to defuse their anger before it is triggered. Yet, more importantly, I help them uncover and deal with the root causes of their anger so that they can begin to transform their life and move confidently toward their desired goals – this is living authentically.